Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Tech Time: Emulation

In the Tech Time column we examine, as you might have guessed, technology related topics.  Most tech columns out there deal with the latest and greatest breakthrus, so if that is what you are looking for this may not be for you.  The focus in Tech Time will be slightly dated tech issues that you may have missed when they first came around.  Some are just fun things to mess with in your free time and some are resolving problems people may encounter these days if not running the newest equipment.

Today Tech Time is looking back at the overlooked hobby of console emulation.  We all grew up with the Atari, the Nintendo, Sega, etc.  Some of us are lucky enough to still have our old consoles and cartridges lying around but most don't.  As technology evolved these machines became too cumbersome and obsolete to justify keeping.  Because of this most of us haven't actually had the pleasure of playing Contra in many, many years.


I HATE you you stupid dog!!!!

Thanks to the same alien-sponsored technological advances that brought us the Sony Walkman and aerosol cheese in a can we can now relive all our favorite old games right on our PC.  Look, emulation is nothing new but on the off chance you either aren't aware of it or have never actually tried it I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't make this info available.

Emulation is exactly what it sounds like: software that runs on your PC to replicate the architecture of various console systems to the point where your computer believes it is whatever console you emulate.  The hard working folks who create this emulation software have advanced it to the point where with a gamepad and a video out connection to your TV you can literally play every console game ever made just like if the real system were hooked up.  That is one of the advantages of emulation: if you do try hooking up many of the actual old consoles you'll find the cables aren't compatible with modern HiDef tvs.  With an emulator this is not an issue.

To begin your setup you need an emulator.  This is the main software that will run your games.  In the emulation world the games aren't called games, they're called ROMs.  A ROM is literally the original game cartridge that has been scanned into a single computer file that can be read by your emulator.  In most cases, all you need to get up and running is the emulator and a ROM file to play.



At this point I need to address one thing.  Just as with MP3 and other downloads there are certain legal restrictions that apply.  That said, I'm gonna be completely candid for the rest of this paragraph.  You are only allowed to "legally" download ROMs for games that you own the original cartridge for.  ROMs are not meant to be free games but rather another format of a game you have already paid for.  To that I say Fooey!
Every ROM you could ever want is available for free download.  Unlike modern piracy of the newest movies and software that take profits from the artists, no one is sitting at home anymore collecting royalty checks from Bubble Bobble on the NES.  These games fall under the category of Abandonware, software that has outlived its profitability and has been effectively disowned by its creators.  Yes, it's technically illegal to download games you don't own, if that bothers you then go find a more conservative blog.  If it doesn't bother you, keep reading and let me hook you up.

In a moment I will set you up with all the links you need to get up and running but first I want to cover a few more things.  First, the advantages of emulation.  This is really simple.  Imagine having every console game ever made in your own personal library.  For free.  Imagine getting to play them on your big screen TV and show off your collection to all your friends.  See, an average ROM file for say a NES game is smaller than a ten page text file.  That's right.  Super Mario Brothers will only take up about 60kb of space for the entire game.  Because of that, you can do what I did and create a single DVD disk that contains the entire library of every console system ever made.  Pretty friggin sweet.

Get ready to eat it, Glass Joe!


For systems like the NES, emulation brings additional advantages.  Remember your old NES?  Remember how it would start blinking and crash if someone three blocks away set their coffee cup down on the table.  Remember how you were the only one who knew just the right way to blow out the cartridge and slam it back in to get it to work?  You don't have to worry about that anymore.  With a ROM file there is no physical media involved to fail so you can dare to play Mario to level 5-2 without worrying about losing all your progress.  For the other systems you get the advantage of not having to get up and dig out another game when you feel like it, you just drop down a menu and select a new game file.

Generally speaking you will need a separate emulator for each console you want to emulate.  There are a few that bundle multiple systems in one program but they tend to be inferior in both features as well as execution.  You can also setup multiple emulators and access them all from one program called a Front-End, but in my experience your best bet is to simply use Windows native file structure to organize your emulators. I personally create a folder in my C: called Emulation.  In the Emulattion folder is a new folder for each system being emulated.  In that folder are two more: Emulator and Roms.  It sounds complicated but it isn't.  Look at the screenshot and notice the logic of the file structure.
The two folders, Emulator and Roms, are self explainatory.  Populate each folder with the appropriate files.  I would suggest that in the Roms folder you give each ROM file its own folder as that will allow you to assign an individual cover art picture to make navigation easier later.  Finally I create a "New Toolbar" button on my Windows Taskbar.  This allows for quick access to any specific game you decide to play.  You just select any game from any system and the emulator will engage automatically.  To create a new Toolbar folder right click on your Taskbar, highlight "Toolbars" and select "New Toolbar..."  From there just point the window at the folder you wish to use.  Viola!  No more digging thru the start menu.  It's all nice and neat  in your toolbar.
Inside the Emulation Folder

Help yourself out and setup a Toolbar for quick access

Systems using cartridges work as is with the emulator and don't require any additional system files.  However if you choose to emulate a Disc-based system i.e. Playstation 1 or 2, Dreamcast, Saturn, etc.  you will require additional bios files.  This goes beyond the scope of this column but know that Disc-based emulation is possible but you will have to seek out help elsewhere.  It's not hard to find.  For the rest of the systems, the individual emulators do a great job of walking you thru their configuration so you shouldn't have any trouble there.  A gamepad is not necessary as a standard keyboard can be configured just fine but a gamepad does go along way toward replicating the console feel.  

To close things up, Emulation is an awesome thing.  There are some legal issues if you are particularly sensitive but this stuff is abandonware, no one is making money from it anymore.  If you miss the good old console days when controllers only had four buttons and the audio only had one channel, go setup an emulation station.  Downloading and configuring everything can take a little while but it is a good way to kill a weekend afternoon and once it is all setup you are good to go from then on.  The next time you have a buddy over and the conversation drifts to The Legend of Zelda you can flip on the TV and show off The Legend of Zelda in all its HiDef, big-screen Nerd glory.


Where's all the games Fool!?!

Now that I have laid down the basics of what emulation is it is time to get down to the good stuff.   Where do you get all this sweet software?  As emulation walks along a fine legal line many sites containing the software tend to come and go.  A few are rock solid standbys however.  Below are a handful of links to everything you need to get started.  Remember you need an emulator for each system and a ROM file to play on it.  There are more advanced things you can do with emulation and I encourage everyone to seek out more info elsewhere to help you setup the ultimate Nerd Retro System!


Emulators:


ROMs:









Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Nerd Toy of the Week

Welcome to my new weekly post: Nerd Toy of the Week.  The purpose of this weekly post is to remember fondly all those wonderful toys we had as kids.  The ones that in a large way shaped who we are now as grown ups, the ones that they just don't make anymore.  Thanks to the internet we can now at least enjoy photos of our old treasures and maybe trigger a smile in the process.  Be sure to check back often for more updates and new toys.  It's called Nerd Toy of the Week though I may put up more than one in a week.  Time will tell.  Come with me as we turn back into children just for a little while.

 

 Micro Machines Gas Can Mountain Service



Fellow Nerds, today our memories take us back to 1989.  The futuristic 90's were looming on the horizon and they were still making toys that relied on wheels and gravity rather than sensors and CPUs.  Toys that were born of imagination and creativity.  Toys like Gas Can Mountain Service.

We all remember the Micro Machines craze.  We all remember the commercials with the guy who talked really really fast.  Originally featuring cars that acted as a quasi-competitor to the already legendary Hot Wheels, Micro Machines eventually evolved to include everything from mini airplanes to tiny speed boats mounted in glass bottles.  Soon the series moved on to include larger playsets and that is where Gas Station Mountain Service comes in.

As the 80's wound down there was still a large interest in properties like The Transformers and Voltron.  Kids wanted characters and toys that could change from one form to another.  Micro Machines responded with this toy,  a large plastic mountain that folded up into a fake can of gasoline.


 More Than Meets the Eye?  Oops, wrong franchise!

This toy's native form makes it look like a small can of gasoline.  For being a plastic toy the can form is amazingly realistic.  You could have actually set it in the corner of the garage and no one would have looked twice at it.  It would have blended right in.  Not only did it have the shaped handle on the top but it also had a convincing looking screw cap that actually served a function when the toy was opened up.  Maybe the nicest thing about this folded up state was that the backside of the can served as a storage box for your vehicles.  You could fit about 16 cars, each in their own compartment and that made the whole package an all inclusive bundle of fun that was ready to play whenever you were.

Thank God, a gas station!

Upon opening the can up, boy oh boy now the fun really starts cooking.  Check it out.  In the bottom right we have a gas station with a full service bay to pull your ride into.  Right behind that is a big tunnel that cuts straight thru the mountain and brings you out on the other side.  The little blue door on the left is an elevator shaft.  A WORKING elevator shaft.  That's right.  It's getting crazy now.  Remember that screw cap on the top of the can.  Well now the cap is off on the left hand side and when you twist it it carries your ride all the way to the top of the mountain.   From up here you have a few options.  Parking spaces set right next to the elevator exit and along the sidewalk in the back provide breath taking views for your tiny drivers.  If you are feeling particularly adventurous, you can send your ride down the mountain road and marvel as it snaps thru the switchbacks and more often than not crashes horribly at the bottom.  Hopefully the gas station right there has a body shop.

This is a perfect example of a Nerd toy.  It's an entire mountain vista that folds up into a gas can.  A friggin gas can!  Try to find that on the shelves in the toy department now.  If they tried to make this toy today it would require a rechargeable battery pack and an eight gig memory card.  When we were kids, we needed plastic and a goofy form to shape it into and we were content.  Man, those were the days.

Check out video of this bad boy in action.  This is NOT my video, I'm merely providing a link so any comments or complaints about the video should be sent to the original author as that is where the proper rights reside.


Now we're cookin'!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Preview of my new novel

Hello fellow nerds.  If you've read my older posts you know that I am an aspiring writer.  I finally decided to take the plunge on my first novel.  I have posted a very rough version of the prologue.  I really need anyone reading this blog to comment on this piece.  I want to write a decent novel and if I am off to a rough start I need to know.  Come on Nerds, give me your thoughts and tell your friends to pitch in as well.  I need all the feedback I can get.  Thanks guys!

Full Prologue

Alternate Link







Friday, February 24, 2012

Movie Review: Father's Day

Father's Day


     Father's Day is a recent film that for a while managed to elude my radar.  I had never heard the title, I had never heard of Astron-6, the genius Canadian comedy team behind the script.  What I had heard of was Troma Entertainment, the film's distributor.  That got my attention and it's a good thing it did because I would have missed out on one hell of a ride.
     I would think that anyone calling themselves a Dark Nerd would have at least a passing familiarity with Troma.  Started in 1974 by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, Troma is a distributor and creator of small-niche movies with little to no budget.  They shun big studio politics in favor of making available to us films that we wouldn't have otherwise known existed.  Thanks to this philosophy we have cult classics like "The Toxic Avenger", "Surf Nazis Must Die", and my personal favorite; "Blood Sucking Freaks".
     Troma's latest project has been a collaboration with Astron-6, a team of filmmakers who share the dream of making movies that live up to the cover art of VHS movies in the Mom and Pop shops of days gone by.  Shot over the winter of 2010, Father's Day premiered on October 21, 2011 at the Toronto After Dark Film Festival where it won a total of 6 awards including Best Film.  As an experiment in nostalgia it exceeds in spades and as a comedic time-waster, well it is absolutely phenomenal.


Father's Day Trailer




       In the seedy fog of a decrepit city an old evil has come back to feast.  All over the city fathers (dads, not priests) are being attacked in the night.  The assailant violently rapes the dads before killing them in gloriously horrid ways.  In the dingy basement of a church a blind, dying priest recognizes the crimes as those of Chris Fuchman (yeah, it's pronounced "Fuck-man"), a raging terror of a man he has encountered before.  The priest knows that only one man on Earth can defeat the Fuchman.

      "Happy Father's Day!"

Enter Ahab, a broken down wreck of a man living with a dark past in a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere.  Content spending his days harvesting maple syrup from his trees, Ahab's life is pulled back to reality when he is called upon to rid the world of an evil that got away from him once.  Armed with a flask of maple syrup and an eye patch, Ahab and a young priest set out on a mission to send evil back to Hell forever.

     If the synopsis of this film sounds interesting to you then let me say something now:  This is a stupid movie.  I say that with the utmost love and affection and if it wasn't as stupid as it is I wouldn't even be talking about it right now.  It is the kind of movie that you can't really watch sober; you need to be drunk, or high or something because it truly is that dumb.  But my God is it funny.

    If you ever watched the Feast movies at all you have some idea of the pedigree of comedy we are dealing with here.  It's a fine balancing act between ridiculous spoof and deadpan sarcasm.  In a movie like this it is equally plausible to have one scene showing siblings dealing with serious issues from their troubled past and another scene where a mutant baby is stomped into a pile of yellow ooze.  At no point is it anything less than completely absurd and yet in its twisted way still makes total sense.
    The gore effects are impressive for a film with basically no money.  Many of the kills are achieved in an extreme manner and the effects cover everything from a bitten off penis to eating the end of a chainsaw.  Some of the effects are enhanced with quick cuts that show you less than it would seem but some are brutally close to the camera and disturbingly long in duration.  Gorehounds everywhere can find at least a scene or two that makes them flinch and say, "Oh, DAMN!".


     As graphic as the gore is it manages to be broken up nicely with segments of straight humor.  It makes for a smooth ride going from tense and grossed out to laughing and wheezing and back again.  Not all of the jokes land and some will leave you thinking "what the hell?".  However enough of the humor does hit home and what does is sweet indeed.  This is not a movie to take seriously at all.  Instead just let it all go and enjoy the ride it offers you.
    Even if this kind of movie is not your cup of tea it is still important to appreciate the passion that goes into these no budget movies.  These are not big studio a-holes with secretaries and assistants who do no real work.  These are nerds like us that have an idea they believe in and money be damned they are going to realize their dream.  It might not be a perfect movie but their perseverance should be an inspiration to all of us.
    Right now Father's Day has yet to released on DVD as it still makes its way around the film circuit.  There is however a screener torrent floating around that you should track down.  I don't advocate piracy but with some more obscure and rare titles it can be hard to find any other way.  Whatever you have to do, watch this movie.  It is a throwback to 70's pulp films with a modern polish to the humor.  Do your nerd duty and support an independent film from some guys just having fun.

Get the torrent here: Father's Day

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Shameless Self Promotion

One of my many pipe dreams is to be a writer.  I started writing horrible poetry in my teens and then moved on to short stories.  My goal is to eventually publish a novel, but man it is hard.  I have kept some of my work and if you are at all interested in checking it out then hit the link below.  If you find any of it worthy of feedback then please let me know what you think.  I need all the push I can get to keep riding the paper and coming up with new stuff.


The works of Tim Howard

Thank God For The Big Bang Theory


Thank God for the Big Bang Theory.  If you are reading this blog then you already know all about it, but if by some chance you don't;  FOR GOD"S SAKES GO WATCH IT!!!

Never has there been a more stereotyped social group than the nerds.  With our affinity for stats and dragons and alien conspiracies we really do paint a pretty large target on our backs.  The Big Bang Theory proves that even amongst a persecuted people there is fun to be had in a good natured ripping from those peers who share your love for all things nerd.  The show routinely pokes fun of our social inadequacies and predisposition for naivety but does so with such a loving tone the jabs become endearing rather than confrontational.  The show's writers very clearly understand the delicacy of the nerd sensibility and with their careful handling of the characters and themes they honor us by being nerds themselves.

While the writers may not have Star Trek posters on their own walls they have the respect to do justice to the culture they portray by doing thorough and exhaustive research into everything from character traits to set pieces to ensure they are not talking down to us but rather telling us they get what we are and it's cool.  Every true nerd will find a character or a prop or line of dialog that instantly rings familiar and it can be fun to scan each episode for a particular toy or comic book that you once had (or still have).


Dr. Sheldon Cooper is the ego-maniacal genius with limitless knowledge and absolutely no social skills what so ever.  His near two hundred IQ leads him to believe he is a superior human evolved far beyond those around him.  He is blunt and honest and in all truth is an ass but his social shortcomings make him sympathetic enough to not be off putting.  He can recite PI indefinitely but lacks the ability to comprehend simple sarcasm. 



Dr. Leonard Hofstadter is Cooper's foil and conduit to the outside world.  A genius in his own right, Leonard is much more humble and self-doubting, a loveable klutz you can't help but root for.  Aside from his own problems he often acts as a mediator for Sheldon and the rest of the world.  He instructs the unfamiliar on how to deal with Sheldon and interprets Sheldon's lengthy rants into language understandable to everyone else.

With references from Star Trek and Star Wars to Stan Lee and Wil Wheaton (yes, Wil Wheaton), every episode is packed with love letters to the nerd community and we couldn't appreciate it more.  The sci-fi community is a risky bunch when it comes to being a profitable demographic for prime time television.  We tend to be very passionate about what we like and dislike.  If we like what you give us we will be fiercely loyal like no other group, however if we don't like what you give us we dislike with just as much passion and will bitch on our blogs about you until way after you've stopped paying attention.  This makes it a very dangerous decision to invest a large sum of money into something that will be judged on those terms.  CBS took the risk and gave us something special so it is our nerd duty to repay the gesture by making sure we support their work.

The Big Bang Theory has been pickup up through the 2014 season so we have at least a few more years with these nerds.  So come Thursday night, put down the comic books, make some Cylon toast, and tune in to CBS for new episodes of The Big Bang Theory.

Welcome To Dark Of The Nerd

The main purpose behind DotN is, quite frankly, to give me something to do.  After 15+ years of using the internet I have always been a lurker, reading all that is out there while contributing nothing back.  I never felt I had anything useful to say, still don't, but what the hell.  I figure I will share my mind with the internet and if a post results in a pleasant diversion for someone then wonderful.  If you find this all to be a waste of your valuable time, well I wish I could give it back to you.  For a detailed breakdown of who I am check out the "About Me" section (No Duh, right?).  Otherwise let me explain what you can expect to find here.
I am a nerd, let's get the obvious out of the way.  More specifically I would call myself a "Dark Nerd".  The same idiosyncratic themes apply though with a harder edge, a darker slant.  Whereas a standard nerd may worship Frodo or Captain Kirk as demigods of their culture, a dark nerd might worship Freddy Krueger or The Crypt Keeper.  The common ground between the two types is their equal levels of devotion to their interests and how those play into their life.  A nerd is someone who is brave enough to live their lives the way they choose as opposed to the way the status quo demands.  While society goes to business meetings we go to lan parties.  When Glee comes on the TV we change it over to Stargate.  We love the things we were told to grow out of because we were never given a valid reason why we should grow out of it.

Back to the "Dark" modifier, this does not inherently imply a gothic or "black fingernails" overtone, though that is not excluded.  Dark simply means a nerd who prefers horror over sci-fi, though sci-fi can be a close second.  Both genres (yes, they ARE separate genres) deal with imagination and creativity and therefore are mutually acceptable.

If you are still here after all that rambling, kudos to you.  As the flagship post it is necessary to lay all this down now so we can move on.  I promise future posts will not be so condescending and long winded.

For what you can expect from this blog,  time will tell I suppose.  I intend to throw up things like movie/game/book reviews, interesting horror related news, personal thoughts as they come up.  I'll be perfectly honest with you.  This blog is mostly for me to inject a piece of myself into cyberspace as a form of preservation, a sense of immortality.  Much of what I post may be of no interest to you.  If that is the case I apologize for taking your time and urge you to seek out a blog more to your liking.  If anything I post interests you in the least, stick around, drop me a line.  Perhaps in time both myself and others of a similar mind can come together and be friends.  Being a Dark Nerd can be a lonely way to go.

Lastly I just want to throw this out there:  This is my first blog, I have no idea what I am doing with it, and am a naturally shy person who has trouble expressing myself even from behind the shields of the keyboard.  Please give this blog a chance, it may take a little while for me to find a groove.  Any Dark Nerds out there with any suggestions of what you would like to see on Dark of the Nerd, Do Not hesitate to let me know.  I need all the guidance and encouragement I can get.  See you on the Dark Side!